If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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