I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
