you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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