you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
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Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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