Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you told grandpa to call you daddy
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
