New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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