In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize