Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
