So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize
