My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
