im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
