In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
