and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
