remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
