saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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