dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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