In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
