oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
