He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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