no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
