I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
