Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
