Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
