it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
