i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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