at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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