"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
