He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
