my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
