I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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