Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
