Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
