Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
