Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
