Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
