and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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