You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
