someone threw a dead crab at me
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
