im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The uberlube is also flammable
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
