You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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