At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
