Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
