Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
How drunk are you?
Completed.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
