ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
