She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
