Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
