How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
