So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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