I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just had sex on a roof
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
