it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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