Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
