He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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