My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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