wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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