I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize