the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
