Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
