i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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