the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize