Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
he quoted the bible to break up with me
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Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
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Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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