Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
