while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
