and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
