he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
