update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
