I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Randomize
