I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
