Do you still have your period?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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