my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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