So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
