Where is the hickey?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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