woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
