so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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