dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
